A tremendous wave of nothingness hit me

.. and it felt great. What I previously typed was a lie; not in its entirety though. If we were to live a hedonistic life style, would we be truly happy? Or would it get repetitive after a while? Is it possible to get bored of 'fulfilling' your own pleasures? Would we be able to find so many things to enjoy so that we wouldn't get bored? Well it certainly wouldn't be considered 'moral', and I doubt it would fit too many people - yes, I truly believe some people are banned from happiness and self pleasure, or some people choose to do so themselves. Also, I tend to believe that hedonism equals self destruction. Anyway, what I wanted to get to is the following question - would this type of life style be fulfilling enough to provide ourselves that well-being feeling? And something more, if hypothetically that'd be possible, wouldn't people miss sadness? I mean yeah, I know sadness isn't the nicest feeling in the world, but sadness can be infinitely beautiful. Is this too much of a paradox..? I don't even know, all I have are questions, questions I constantly ask myself, so my mind won't slip into insanity.

Rotten thoughts of a rusty mind

So I figured today - while wasting my time once again - what is life but a long waiting? 'Tis nothing but an ephemeral existence, or, if it isn't much too harsh, even a struggle. The question is why, or what do we battle for? Why do we live in fear and doubt, always ready to mindlessly fulfill our duties, but never prepared to feel and forget about the consequences? Probably being cautious is the best, but then that leads to over thinking, and over thinking never has good results (as I am probably over thinking what I was originally to write about). If society (yes, I am going to blame it again) wouldn't set such high standards for us, or better, no standards at all, this world would be a much more better place; a much more creative place where people wouldn't be tagged as different and put aside just for having original thoughts or a different mindset. 'What a freak!' they think of an innovative artist, but in reality they aren't able to appreciate his true value because of their narrow mindedness. Kids being forced to go to school and integrate into an environment that would later transform them into those little pieces that help building up this machinery that society is. And you know what society is? Or even a small community, if not the entire humanity? It's a monster; it's a collective mind that follows the same ideas and concepts - and it's not just the media that implements them. It's gone further than that. And this monster is powerful, because it's not alike a human being, who in time loses its strength and will to go on, but the opposite, because over the centuries it gets more greedy; it only uses us, the people, as tools to get more powerful. Some get lost along the way, some get to the end and then realise their mistakes (some never do realise them though) but others, others find out about this cheap trickery and try or even succeed to stay away.
As I finish my third cigarette, I realise that it is too strong already;  I think it got me. Please keep away..

Can we exist outside ourselves?